Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Awww... How Cute. How old is she?

When I’m not working, I have a somewhat slovenly appearance. I’m most comfortable wearing dirty jeans, a pair of clunky and disintegrating Redwing boots that once belonged to my grandfather and are older than me, a poor fitting t-shirt and a beautiful hand knitted hat that Ani made. I don’t trim my beard as often as my boss would like (they recently called me Osama at work), and I haven’t used a comb or brush in a long time; my fingers do the job just fine. My haphazard dress combined with my large size and a calculated lack of eye contact has helped me to avoid unwanted human interaction when I am out in public. Working in the service industry gives me more idle chit-chat with strangers than I could ever want, so I’ve tried to master the art of moving in public spaces without conversing about the weather, the lengthy wait in a bank line, or a stranger’s political opinions.
Ruby doesn’t have my humanity avoidance skills. She is an attention magnet. Everywhere I go people want to talk to me about her. At first, I thought it was out of concern for this child. I assumed that people saw a very cute baby with a social outcast homeless guy, and were worried for Ruby’s safety, so they made some idle chit chat and cooed at her for a while just to make sure that she was in no imminent danger. Now I realize that nobody even notices me; they just gravitate towards Ruby’s cuteness.
Having a child is a challenge to my organizational skills, and if I am out in public, by default that means that I am way behind schedule for whatever it is that I am trying to accomplish. By the time I get Ruby into her car seat, gather up all of her clothes and diaper bag accessories, and establish my plan of attack for any given outing, I am already late for her next feeding and nap. This makes it especially annoying when strangers get that glazed over baby loving look in their eyes and ask me how old she is, what her name is, where her mom is, and what kind of food she likes to eat. With all those questions, it feels like these people are setting up a preemptive identity theft. Jeez, whatever happened to “Hey… Cute kid.”
Ok. Ok. I know. I am being a bit too cranky, misanthropic and cantankerous. To be honest, I like the fact that a cute kid brings out the tribal social instinct in people, and even though I am uncomfortable relating to my species, it is good for me to make unexpected human contact sometimes, and all bitching aside, I like the fact that children bring out the “friendly” aspect of peoples’ personalities. I could do without the touching though.
Ani and I have been adamant about allowing Ruby to have reasonable contact with germs. I believe that we, as a culture, have taken the antibacterial thing a bit to far, and that children need to be exposed to a reasonable amount of unsanitized material in order to build healthy immune systems, but I don’t like strangers groping Ruby. I took my grandmother to the store today, and three women in the line walked up, one after the other, and grabbed Ruby’s feet, hands, and cheeks (one after coughing into her own hands) without so much as noticing the look of horror and discomfort on my face. Then as I walked into the parking lot, there was a store employee spreading that de-icing salt stuff on the snowy parts of the parking lot, and she just wiped the chemical crystals from her glove onto her dirty pants, and proceeded to fondle my daughter in my arms. I just cringed and answered all of the usual baby questions while walking nervously toward our car and away from the lethal chemistry which seemed to ooze from her fingers.
Maybe I should find a way to make Ruby as ugly in public as I am. I could leave the babyfood in her hair and on her hands when she eats; that’d knock her cute-touchable factor down a notch or two. Perhaps I could obtain a fake scar or an extra ear from a theatrical makeup supplier. Maybe I should teach her to swear at people who come near her. If I dodge and weave long enough, she’ll eventually throw one of her really intense tantrums; that’d dissuade anyone from wanting to cuddle with a stranger’s kin.
Or perhaps I’ll get over my hang-ups and let Ruby be a part of her community. She is awfully cute. Especially when she's wearing the great hat that Ani knitted for her.

I understand why people would want to say hello. I’m the same way with puppies. Good dawgs.
Speaking of pups, Ani…errr…I mean Nora has once again graced us with her thoughts. Check out her blog and drop her a comment. She loves to hear from her public.