Momentous
Saturday, February 12, 2005

Ani went to the store today, and the earth slowed on its axis. I often have moments that I want to freeze in time… my kingdom for a camera that captures emotions, breathing patterns, touches, and thought processes rather than light and its lack. Even now, an hour later, I can’t recall the exact reason that my lungs seemed unable to take in enough air when she smiled at me or why my eyes blurred as I chased her around on my knees coyly saying, “I’m gonna get you!” I more clearly remember the minutes in which we sat on the hair-covered carpet together with Nora and Kiko, and she tried to mimic my repetitive refrain, “I love you.” She got all of the vowels right, and the rhythm was perfect. She didn’t look at me once while she said it, instead she leaned back on my belly and fiddled with a piece of cloth and the top to a Tupperware bottle. I love you Ruby.

Ani returned, and the space that Ruby and I had momentarily shared was instantly gone. It had lasted exactly long enough. Ruby looked up and realized in retrospect that she missed her mom. She began to cry and smile at the same time. Like me, she was happy that our pack was complete again, and had just realized that she needed contact with someone she loved very much. It’s a beautiful day.