Wednesday, October 13, 2004
No News Is Good News

I haven’t been writing nearly as much in this space as I used to. There are many possible reasons for that: I’ve been busy with some other writing-fiction for Ruby based loosely on the Mabinogion, it’ll be a kid’s novella (some of which I will post soon). I’ve also been busy taking care of that little kid all day, and she is becoming more interactive and demanding of my attention. I’ve been working a little bit more than I used to. I've been preoccupied with politics lately, and I don't want to rant about that stuff on this site. All of these are contributing factors in my less than prolific Rubydawn posting habits.

However, I think that the main reason that I have been lax is that this whole Dad thing freaks me out less than it used to. I used to need to write about the overwhelming experience of becoming a father. Don’t get me wrong; every moment with Ruby is still a life-changing and exhilarating experience for me. I think that things are moving faster now than when she was first born. She is growing and developing at a dizzying rate, but I am getting used to the fact that I am a dad and there is a living creature around that is dependent on me. The months leading up to and immediately following March 19 sere so emotionally extreme that writing about them helped me keep things in perspective. Now, although Ruby is obviously the most important thing in my life, she’s become a normal part of that life. Ani and I used to look at Ruby and say to each other “I can’t believe we are a family with a little kid.” The tone of our statement seemed to say, “HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A KID!” We still look lovingly back and forth between our daughter and one another and say “I can’t believe we have are a family with a little kid”, but now the tone seems very comfortable, perhaps followed by a sigh of contentment rather than a panicky gasp.

There is so much in my life that scares me now: child care cost and quality, sleep problems, potential developmental problems, difficulty in getting a flu vaccine for Ruby, etc, but strangely, I am becoming more at home with the fact that I have to worry about a little kid. After all, she's a little kid who loves her mom, dad, dogs and puppets. How could that bring anything other than contentment?

Whether or not I post here regularly (which I fully intend to continue to do), I look forward to and appreciate your comments, and I check for them every day!